Monday, January 23, 2012
weird addictions, old insecurities, fresh goals...
weird addictions: well, i have successfully given up the 2 rolls of mentos i was consuming on a daily basis. i've been "mentos free" since late december! in an odd twist, i now find myself chomping on sugar free hall's cough drops! i eat a handful at a time. there's something about the menthol and the crunching of the hard drops... weird. and i found out that while they are sugar free, eating too many results in a horrible stomach ache. so today i will throw out the last of them. i think it's safe to say i have an oral fixation problem!
"Theoretically, oral-stage fixations are manifested as garrulousness, smoking, continual oral stimulus (eating, chewing objects), and alcoholism. Psychologically, the symptoms include a sarcastic personality, nail biting, etc..."
yeah, that sounds about right... and of course giving up the wine has been a real struggle.
i do really well with getting to the gym to swim. i'm great with the low carb diet (no bread, rice, potatoes, sugar, etc...) but i struggle with giving up wine. my anxiety kicks in every evening around 4pm and it feels terrible. i need to remember that the anxiety will pass.
old insecurities: i swam sunday morning and for the first time, i felt insecure. they pool was crowded with a bunch of guys doing fast laps. "power swimmers" who go for an hour straight and don't always stay in their lanes. and there i was, the chubby girl with the weird tattoos, doing my slow doggy paddle, taking up a valuable lane. i wanted to get out of the pool right away. but i stayed calm and reminded myself that i deserve to use the pool as much as anyone else. and that those power swimmer dudes probably weren't paying any attention to me. so i swam for my usual 30 minutes and actually did more laps then usual. it's just amazing how quickly the "insecure fat girl" thinking can sneak up on me.
my goals for this week:
1. continue swimming, but try a yoga class (wednesday on my lunch hour), and a spinning class (thursday evening or friday morning.)
2. no more cough drops!
3. instead of my usual 2-3 glasses of wine, have just one drink after dinner. something with vodka (low carb). i think cutting down instead of trying to give it up will help. or not. it's such an embarrassing habit!
4. start walking around the track at the gym. i have this weird goal of someday being able to run a mile. me, running? sure!